Its Sunday 29 th March and I had bad week but as you have to, I have bounced right back with more of an attitude than I had before.

I am feeling better and have decided that I am simply not moving out and then coming back.  I believe the house should have been sorted out before we moved here.  I think its only because my family does not fit inside one of their 3 bedroomed boxes that I am having these problems.  I dont think they can force me to come back.

I heard from the surveyor yesterday,  he has recommended that work be started here on 25th April, that is only 4 weeks away and if I think about that too much I am a bit scared.  I dont know where I am going but I am going.  I think there may be a song there somewhere.  I have emailed a reply to their letter and I have asked that the complaint  be moved to  stage two.  Then an independant investigator will come round and I will talk to him,  he can meet the kids and then go and look at their side of things.  I am not asking for special treatment.  Simply somewhere that has adequate facilities to meet our needs.  Basically two downstairs rooms and a downstairs loo and if they dont have a house like that, then a stud wall will do, how hard can it be? 

I had dreadful treatment from social services and housing  when it became apparent that the kids couldnt share a room anymore. Some 12 year old recently qualified social worker just went to town with the danger of the two boys sharing issue and tried to take one of them off me. It was totally unfounded but social services took it to a child protection conference and boy did I have to fight them?  As it happened, I had all the evidence and experts who know the children on my side and after their child protection conference collapsed, I made a complaint. 

They felt that since one of my boys had epilepsy and violent outbursts just before the seizure, he was a danger to the other one.  He wasnt, he never reacted violently towards anyone but suddenly he would start banging things, at walls,  scream, throw anything that came to hand, this mostly happened at night and only lasted about 2 minutes before a full blown siezure took him.  I wanted to split them up, just in case the other one got in the way of something flying through the air at great speed. Plus the other ones stuff was getting broken and although the other knew he couldnt help it, it was upsetting for him.  So I asked for help and ended up fighting like a dog to keep my boys, it was awful and I think I spent most of the whole time crying and worrying.  It a relief when the case conference was over but I was still living in the environment that was causing the trouble, I was sleeping on the sofa every night,  to separate the boys.   I have to say here that my purple faced boss was a rock, she really stood by me with this.  She knew the kind of person I was and  gave me time off for meetings, reduced clinics to ease the load.  I was really grateful to her for that as I thought I would fall apart at times.  Taking on the authority by myself was like david v the goliath’s  whole family and best friends.  When my complaint got to stage 2, the indepentant investigator was appauled at the treatment we had and  my complaint was upheld.  Still sleeping on the sofa when the complaint went to a stage 3 panel meeting , the big wigs gave both social services and housing hell.  They squirmed like the worms they are.  They were ordered to sort us out with suitable accomodation like right now.  I was so relieved when were we given this house.

 I had no idea they would actually put us in a house, they knew was suffering subsidence.    The previous tenants were moved out permanently in order for the work to start, it was empty for 10 months.  When I signed the tenancy agreement I assumed the house was at a lettable standard, clearly it wasnt but not being a builder I couldnt have known that.  They gave me the house two days before christmas, I moved in January 2006 and borrowed heavily to make it home.  Around nine months later I realised I was in debt way over my head and I was terribly scared.

 If only I had known that all the money, effort and time I spent making this into the home we could finally settle down in, would all be for nothing.  The problems with the floors coming up happened within a few weeks of them being put down,  I just thought it was bad luck, bad flooring or bad putting down.

It would just be nice if  the big wigs would listen this time beacuse I really dont want to fight.  I am sure that if they got caught thinking outside the box they would get the sack.  It seems to me if you a little bit different, having slightly different needs they hate your guts, I dont know if it blows their computers up or what?  derrrr 4 people,  derrrr 3 bedroomed house, deeer no sorry not this time derrrr Kaboom.  It seems the only way to be heard is to make a complaint, one independant investigator is more capable of hearing the facts than the authority as a whole.  

The vile mother of baby p, got rehoused, holidays, fire gaurds etc for abusing her baby.  I get horse shit for caring about mine and trying to prevent or at least limit anything detrimental.  I know that moving them twice would be too much, not only that but in their minds if anything stressful happens with another person or place, they will go out of their way to avoid that person or place.  They are unable to generalise like we can.  I wouldnt trust coming back here myself  to face the same thing again in another 3 years and if it took 10 months to sort the problem out last time, how long is it going to take to underpin the property?  The man told me they have to dig down 4ft  in the foundations to rectify the problem.  I would be hanging on in limbo for months on end, even years.  I just dont do limbo. brings out the beast in me. I know that my kids wouldnt cope either and why should they?

I was trying to speak with my young autistic son last night. He told me in his own way he is scared of losing his space, he finds people and life really stressful and he needs to have space to get away from us, even though we are familiar, close contact is a very scary thing.  He even asked if he could sleep in the car, he is scared of not knowing where our new house is but most of all he is scared of coming back here.  I dont know if anyone knows mackaton sign language, holding your little finger up means bad and he keeps doing that, meaning he feels bad. 

I dont like seeing my kids upset, like all Mums.  I dont expect any of the big wigs who make the decisions to understand my kids disabilities as I do and all I am trying to do is communicate to them my difficulties as a carer in this situation with this particular disability, I had hoped they would listen and respond to that.  They have enough paperwork on the condition of the children to bury themselves in from the last complaint.  If there was a law against causing distress to people affected by disability by simply not listening or looking at the evidence they would all be guilty of breaking it.

I would like to roast the heads of those responsible on a spit like the swines they are.

Well I have kind of thought loud today, I sorry its a bit depressing but this is going all the way this time.  I would swing for the swines before I let them get away with causing any more stress to us.

I will wait to see what develops this week and next weekend I will make a packing plan or something. This reality of leaving here is right in my face and I cant pretend or avoid it. I just hope and pray that they put is in a nice area.  Most of the south of  the area is sound but I am a bit worried that since I made a complaint they might be really nasty and put me in a cruel corner on evil close,  just off stab your eyes out drive.  The big wigs have plenty of ‘how would you like to die slowly in this area’,  they can bang me over the head with.  That scares me.

 I want to say a big fat thank you to MTL for the support and little cazlizzy, thanks hun.  My very good friend Ang, she has been getting my wrath for almost a week, poor thing and she lets me.  Actually forget about wrath its been more like hell and damnation, completely missing out a smite.  A smite is nowhere near enough.  Actually I dont think hell and damnation is either.  Anyone got a gun?

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